Sons seem to have their own distinct way of interacting with their moms. My son has always loved to play little jokes on me–kind of his way of saying he likes me or something. One of his favorite ways to connect with me these days is to change the sights and sounds of my electronic devices. Lately his gig has been to daily change the wallpaper on my laptop to random pictures of himself as a toddler.
Today, however, in reference to his pictures, he said something rather astute: “If I tried to do some of those things now, it would be kind of…awkward.”
And he’s right. A two-year old hiding in the laundry basket waiting to surprise his mommy is adorable. A sixteen-year old? Not so much. But his comment made me ponder how many adults try to get away with attitudes and actions that they should have ditched long ago.
Now I totally get this concept. After all, I have totally wanted to have a melt-down in public just because I’m tired and things aren’t going my way. Or I’ve felt that sting of jealousy when someone has something I want, though I have managed to refrain from pushing her down and taking it away. I’ve also wanted to leave my things lying around for someone else to pick up. And I’m sorry to have to admit it, but I have been known to sneak a cookie before dinner and then not want to eat my veggies. I get it!
But the truth is, I’m not supposed to act like that. I’m an adult. And I’m supposed to be a mature, God-honoring adult. In this role, I am not allowed to follow my selfish ambitions or indulge my fleshly desires or consider another as someone who should pick up after me, which includes any emotional outbursts I may wish to partake in.
And as a parent, it just gets harder. Because, in addition to training myself, I also have to train my children. As a matter of fact, the biggest challenge facing parents of newborns is how to groom this little one to be an adult who will comprehend the importance of self-discipline so that he can bring glory to his God. And the only way a child can grasp this concept is through parental discipline beginning when he is small.
I remember sitting at the table with Amanda when she was but a few months old. Yes, quite young. She reached for my spoon, but pulled back her hand when she heard me simply tell her “no.” I thought, “Ah! She understands!” It only took a moment, though, before a peculiar look crossed her face. Her little chin tilted up just so, and her little paw reached a second time for that spoon. Defiance had reared its ugly head in the heart of my little girl and, since I didn’t want defiance reigning supreme, this had to be nipped in the bud. I took her little hand, looked firmly in her eyes, sternly repeated “no,” and tapped the padded top of her pudgy paw with my finger. She quickly pulled back from the spoon, her bottom lip fully jutted out. The firm, but loving, role of discipline had entered our home.
As time went on and comprehension grew, the simplistic “no” became “You’re now on grace. You need to obey mommy,” which became “You’re walking in disobedience. You need to choose to obey or face the consequences.” All of these dimensions were important to me: obedience, grace, choice and consequences. These were significant aspects of my relationship with my children, because they are significant aspects of my children’s relationship with God.
Is it easy to stay on the discipline bandwagon? No way! I’ve yet to meet a parent who hasn’t inwardly thought, “Please obey me! I’m so tired! I don’t want to get up!” But the fact of the matter remains, you have to discipline regardless of how you feel.
And that discipline needs to be loving, consistent, and restorative. Without love, our reprimands are merely a “noisy gong or clanging cymbal” (1 Corinthians 13:1). Without consistency, our rules are wishy-washy and can be taken lightly. And without restoration, our role of authority becomes cracked and dismissed. Most importantly, though, our discipline needs to be loving, consistent, and restorative simply because that is how God does it, and our ultimate goal is to teach our children to respond to God’s instructions.
We still have a teenage son in our home–and he’s far from perfect, in spite of our discipline. He leaves his dirty dishes on the counter and his soiled socks on the floor. He neglects to respond when we talk to him and forgets to follow-through on his commitments to us. (I did mention he was sixteen, didn’t I?) In spite of his shortcomings, he does respond relatively well to our discipline, because he has been trained by it. I think he may actually get–laundry basket aside–that if he tried to behave now as he did then, it would, indeed, be rather awkward.
“When I was a child, I used to speak as a child, think as a child, reason as a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things.” I Corinthians 13:11
Just a Scribe 