Walk Boldly in Your Kingdom Role

My darling, precocious daughter.

My darling, precocious daughter.

She was such a little thing–that precocious toddler of ours–but she simply wouldn’t obey me. I told her to do something. She stubbornly refused. The whole scene played out as though I weren’t even uttering a word. Actually, the whole scene played out as though I weren’t even in the room! There she sat, continuing in her own little world of play and ignoring my now repetitive requests.

Frustration!! (Every single parent knows what I mean!) And frankly, though I hate to admit it now, I didn’t know what to do.

An unwavering certainty started settling itself across my heart and mind. Undeniably, a truth arose in my motherly breast: I was the mom here. No other mom was going to magically show up and make my daughter obey me. This was God’s new role for me–and I needed to walk in it.

Rapidly my mind raced to grasp and sort all the gleanings I had gained regarding motherhood. Compassionate nurturer. Kindly supplier. Faithful corrector. Ah…faithful corrector–my missing link. Thusly armed with my new comprehension, I stepped boldly into my full role as mother.

I couldn’t help but recall this scenario when I considered Esther’s plight after Mordecai challenged her to plead for her people before the king. Granted she was the queen, wife of the king, but the Persians had this nasty little law about putting to death anyone who appeared uninvited before the king’s presence–unless he held out his golden scepter toward her, thus extending his favor.

In her time as queen, no doubt, she had grown to understand other aspects of her role. Reign in the women’s quarters. Appear in her finest at state functions. Hasten to the king at his request. But this role? How could she ever walk in such a strong calling? How could she present herself and find that presentation enough?

We all know those feelings. We come supplied with a handy list of our shortcomings. If others can’t figure out why they shouldn’t accept us in our role, we could probably tell them several reasons. But there we vulnerably stand anyway. Heart racing. Doubts pulsing. Fear rising. But we stand. We must. For this is our role.

Each new bride or groom, each new parent, each new employee, each new landlord, each new pastor, each new anything, must understand what their role entails and step boldly in. Will we make mistakes? You betcha! Will our shortcomings show? Undoubtedly! But if God has called us to a new role, we have no other choice but, with eyes fixed on the King of kings, to step undeterred in what He has granted us to do.

Actually, that’s not quite true, is it? Esther had a choice. With great wisdom, however, Mordecai counseled her that God would supply relief and deliverance through another, but the cost to her would be great. You see, we can choose to not walk in the role God has conferred on us, but at what cost?

What if I had chosen to not walk in the full role of mother? What if I had elected to simply love on my children and provide their needs? What if I had decided that disciplining my daughter and son was too much work, or felt that perhaps it might impede my “loving” relationship with them? Would I now have a twenty-one year old blessing of a daughter? Would I have an eighteen year old blessing of a son? Or would the cost to my life and home be grievous? And, since my children must learn discipline, who then would God have raised up to serve as their tool of correction?

I don’t know what new role God may have opened for you. My daughter currently has a new role, and both my son and my daughter have new roles looming before them as God takes them into new arenas. But I do know the same holds true for you that holds true for them–and that has held true for me. God will provide and equip for that to which He has called.

Walk boldly in. He is with you.

“Do not think to yourself that in the king’s palace you will escape any more than all the other Jews. For if you keep silent at this time, relief and deliverance will rise for the Jews from another place, but you and your father’s house will perish. And who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” (Esther 4:13b-14).

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Twenty-Nine Months

Not only have I not posted anything in a while, I have not updated on my health in ever so long. Hence, with not a whole lot more I can accomplish from my comfy brown couch, I thought I’d bring you all up to date. Plus, I seriously don’t think I will have to put as much effort into organizing my thoughts as I do my other posts. Well, we’ll see–you know how all writers like to ensure their words communicate concisely and colorfully (and apparently with alliterations!).

As I entered this new year I felt as though my relapse with ME/CFS had started to make a slow upward swing–which actually doesn’t say a whole lot other than I had started to realize that perhaps I wouldn’t live the rest of my life from the bottom of a barrel. I no longer required fourteen hours in bed each day, meaning only around eleven hours spent prone in my nest of all comforts. Also, my walks seemed to occur on a more “daily” schedule than previously. Although I couldn’t shop by myself nor rarely cook a simple meal for my family, I still believed that my health was heading on the uphill slope.

One little thing plagued me, however: I could not seem to do anything about my horrendous scalp psoriasis. I searched online for diet or food related causes and cures, and found that everyone seemed to have an opinion with a mish-mash of food ideas that worked for them, but almost all seemed to have sugar in common. And I thought to myself, “Well, I can at least start there!” So “start there” immediately I did. Sugar in all its sources and names promptly left my diet. (I couldn’t even find any gluten-free bread without sugar!) The date: January 16, 2014.

Side note: Upon going sugar-free, my piercing headaches completely stopped. When tested with a salad dressing containing sugar a month later, within two hours my piercing headache returned. Not trying that again!

About three weeks later, a friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer and was interested in alternatives to traditional chemo. In an effort to assist her, I offered to get information on a diet that another friend had adopted for the same purpose–and with wonderful success! Before I simply passed it along, however, I felt it would be wise to at least preview it, and found myself absolutely intrigued. I spent two or three days scouring the site, reading medical articles and blogs, as well as watching videos. One video interview showed the host, Doug Kaufmann, speaking with a man who had gone on the diet and cured his psoriasis (photos included!) over a nine-month to a year period. Not an easy fix, surely, but an incredibly compelling one. Plus, with a maternal-family history of cancer, I wondered if I could preclude this awful disease from impacting me. Besides, with already being gluten-free, sugar-free, and (mostly) dairy-free, I calculated that I was pretty much just one giant step away from ticking the boxes off this yeast-free, grain-free diet. Okay. I didn’t like the idea of going corn-free, soy-free, and restricting my favorite fruits, but at this nothing ventured-nothing gained point, I figured, “Why not?” Start date: February 24, 2014.

Four months later:

I have faced rather interesting changes and challenges as I have pursued improvement with this diet. First of all, my atrocious scalp psoriasis has cleared about 70-80% Pretty doggone amazing for something that traditional medicine seems to think is incurable. In addition, the small patches on my torso and legs are finally diminishing as well.

Big bonus: I’ve lost 22 pounds (20 of which I put on during my relapse), yet I’m never hungry and have relatively few and minor cravings. (Occasionally watermelon or pineapple look tempting. What can I say? I’ve always been a fruit girl!) And this is from a gal who still spends most of her day in a reclined position!

Random medical factor: my body seems to better absorb nutrients. Based on a recent blood-test and comparing it to one from about a year and a half ago, my Vitamin D is now higher than the normal parameters as opposed to sitting near the moderately low level of “normal” although I had started taking less Vitamin D about a month before the test. I now get to take a lot less!

Current struggles: Since beginning the diet, I find that I have regressed to needing to be in bed for about twelve to thirteen hours a day. I puzzled over that and researched the role rest plays in the healing process. Ultimately, I concluded that this need for more sleep/rest actually supports the other healing factors I see taking place in my body. God designed the human body to require more energy to as it goes through the healing process; it needs to eliminate toxins and support a weakened immune system among other things. Thus, even though it may seem like a regression, I see it as complete support of a healing process.

An additional understanding I’ve gleaned: I’ve grown to realize that my sympathetic nervous system is entirely messed up. My entire body chronically feels like it’s “on the edge”. When I researched the sympathetic nervous system, I found many aspects which described my body’s overall function, including: decreased saliva, fight or flight ready to engage, and increased heart rate. When I realized that the sympathetic nervous system stems from the spinal cord and I associated that with my current back/neck problems, I began a more aggressive treatment schedule with my chiropractor. Not only that, but I understood another reason why my body wanted rest: it needed to allow the parasympathetic nervous system to recover and reassert itself.

My personal prognosis: After fifteen years with this debilitating disease, I have to stay focused on the fact that repairing my health will be more like turning a battleship around than a speed boat. I will stay the course and I will let you know.

Until then, nap anyone? 🙂

“Teach me good discernment and knowledge…” Psalm 119:66a

PS. If you’re interested in the diet that I have embraced, please check out: http://www.knowthecause.com/

And if an alternative treatment for cancer intrigues you, check out his 25-minute video on the subject.